Make new friends, but keep away from mine

Magnet #594 - Angry Little Girls' Parental Seal of Disapproval

Man. I swear, I thought I'd be using this magnet for when I screwed up something big enough to have my mommy yelling at me, much like this ALG magnet. (BTW, hurry up and start selling magnets for your little shop, already!)

Instead, I find myself channeling my mother, and grandmother and well, pretty much everyone's mother with this post.

I'm the oldest of something like 30-odd grandkids, just on my maternal side - that's pretty much every age between 36 years to 6 months. A pretty darn wide gap.

Truth be told, I've never even met half of these cousins. I'm friends with them on Facebook. That's some of the beauty of Facebook - being able to connect with relatives on some level or another, artificial or not, having met in real life or not. It's nice just knowing that we all share blood, linked by my maternal grandparents.

Being the oldest comes with a self-imposed mantle of obligation to somehow police all these kids, in the absence of their unwitting parents.

It's a sore point for me, making sure my gorgeous but wayward cousins aren't posting untoward pictures or videos of themselves that paint them in a skeevy light. And, I have to close my eyes when other cousins say things that are pretty damned offensive, given we're minorities, too.

Sometimes it works. Most times, it doesn't.

Honestly? If you don't care what sexy-sexy pictures or vids you're posting and allowing access to. That's on you. After all, it's not my mother hanging out on Facebook.

Where I draw the line, is rock-solid stupidity. Not being safe. Inviting trouble. Going through my friend list and randomly friending my friends, causing them to all contact me and ask me who you are.

Hey. You. They're not your friends. Why are you friending people you've never even met? Why are you giving them access to all your personal information and sexy-sexy pictures? And p.s., no offense to my own friends, but while I'm pretty good about friending only people I know, just because they're friends of mine, does not make them, or their friends, or their friends' friends, automatically safe for you.

On top of that, it was to spam them with some obnoxious free web offer? Unacceptable. (And damned if that's not other magnet somewhere about social networking best practices. I'm only grateful that you didn't friend my coworkers, because then I'd be even more embarrassed.)

So, look here, my nearly 30 cousins sitting up here on Facebook, you don't have to be my friend. Block me. Unfriend me.

But know that I'm done being mom. I'm done being grandma. I can't even be your Ate, really, given that half of you haven't even met me, and don't know me from jack.

You're all old enough to be on Facebook, so ya'll freakin' watch your own damn six on the net.

eta:
I'm getting a little flak for being a little too harsh. Honestly, it's meant to be. It's easier than sending out an individual apology note to every one of my friends.

eta2:
Ok. Now I'm getting a lot of Anonymous flak below for being a crappy cousin. Really, Anonymous? Really?

You think it's ok to post half-naked pictures of yourself, so that friends and family can say, yes, that chick's getting laid tonight, and ooooh, I must get a life like her?

You think it's right to use racially offensive language, when you yourself are a minority?

You think it's right to go out of your way to friend everyone on your friend's friend list, causing everyone to wonder who the hell is this chick?

You think it's right to abuse someone else's social network to spam them with crap like a "new Free Website where they can earn when they shop"?

Or, maybe you think it's none of my business. Well, you have me there. They're not my kids. But they're my aunts' and uncles' kids.

That's why I've had interventions via email and via U.S. Opens. That's why I posted this post. So that if something happens to any of my cousins, I can look my parents and their parents right in the eye and say, yes, I knew what they were doing. Yes, I tried to help.

eta3:
By the way, Anonymous. Just because you posted anonymously doesn't mean I couldn't see you guys hanging out, and for how long.